The story of the birth of my daughter Kya, is one of great magic indeed! It begins with a great pregnancy that ended with a month of many unexpected discomforts, anticipation, patience, and several light contractions. Although the romantic in me would’ve loved to say that the full moon would bring the baby, I knew that the weather break would be the most influential factor. So, for weeks, I prayed hard for rain.
The week before our little one was due, I saw Eagle twice within a few days, once in Beckley and once in Marlinton. Paul said that the message was just for me, because he hadn’t seen them. The lesson was of the Spirit. We began the classic love-making regimen three days prior to our due date: Friday, November 11th. On Wednesday the 9th, I passed what was unmistakably a bit of cervical mucous plug. The next two days were mostly ordinary with more plug each day and an increasing lower back ache. When the 11th came, so did some regular contractions; 20 minutes apart all day! Paul and I spent the day raking leaves, driving around exploring Pocahontas County, experiencing some of the local restaurants, and simply enjoying each other. Friday ended with the arrival of Mom. She decided she just couldn’t stay away any longer, and we were glad to see her!
Following a restless night of sleep, Saturday came with fewer contractions. After the arrival of Ruth in the morning, the four of us drove around Pocahontas County again, exploring property for sale and in search of much sought after Sweet Rolls (which were never attained, despite great efforts). My dear friend and sister, Elizabeth, arrived in the afternoon. We began our visit with a hearty walk to the top of the hill; and spent the rest of the afternoon cooking and playing cards. The evening brought stronger more frequent contractions. I went to bed around 9:30, yet remained awake for the next 3 hours with the hardest contractions yet, coming 5-10 minutes apart. I thought that I had finally begun active labor! However, they ceased, and I finally slept pretty well that night.
I awoke around 6:30 am Sunday, and found that contractions had lessened in frequency and strength, but that the baby’s movements were much less. Ruth left and said that she had enjoyed visiting, yet she would come back whenever I was ready. I was able to nap around 1:30, and afterwards, Beth, Paul and I read about Prodromal Labor. Although I don’t believe in all the silly procedures to induce labor, I humored my team, and honestly, it gave us something to do. So, we began placing warm towels on my nipples in hopes of stimulating my Uterus.
I awoke Monday after a night of regular contractions- about 15-20 minutes apart. We had a few things planned for the day- Mom was to have lunch with Sarita, Beth wanted to get her hair done, and Paul wanted to rake a bit more for Grandma Trudy. So, Mom, Beth and I walked from home down to Sarita’s clinic. Beth and I spent a few moments contemplating the feel of the birthing room while waiting for Paul to come for us. We then went to town to take care of our various errands. When we returned in the evening, I began to feel my contractions more seriously, and could only finish one hand of Canasta (in which I, of course, skunked everyone else’s score!). Mom, of course, decided to stay after she checked my progression. I had reached 5 centimeters, yet my cervix was still fairly thick. She called Ruth, who was soon on her way back.
This is where my memory begins to fade. The next several days seem to be one long, timeless event. I quit taking notes and began drifting from this reality into the birthing world. I believe that the rain came Monday night. I remember trying to sleep and hearing the song of the wind and rain. It was a song of power with the promise of changes! Beth was with me that night, sleeping on the floor at the end of our bed. With each contraction, she came to me and offered a cool rag and soothing encouragement. Ruth returned, and Sarita came as well. We were all gathered finally.
Several months before the birth, I had meditated on the birth team. I had chosen
my mother Martha, my sister Beth, Ruth and Sarita to join Paul and me. I feel quite sure that each member represented a sacred element, and would in turn, play her/his part in the birthing process. Mom was the Earth: my mother, the rock from which I came, offering stability. Elizabeth was Fire: my friend, offering constant strength and the light of confidence. Ruth was Water. She cleansed and fed my body and my spirit throughout. Sarita was the Air (my fellow Aquarian). She moved with me through breathing, dancing, and pushing. Paul was my one and only partner, giving pure, unwavering stamina. They all loved, and therefore assisted me the best they could in embracing my other self- the self deep within that has no thought, but simply is. This is the self that is Great Spirit.
They each came and went, into and out of my birth space. They took turns breathing with me and singing the birth song with me. How very blessed I was! I bathed, drank, puked, moaned/sang, rested, and sweat. Wow, I was so hot! I remember feeling utter relief and relaxation between each contraction. I think I even commented to Mom once about it. Nature’s design is flawless! During those few minute intervals, I was able to immediately drift back into the other space. It wasn’t sleep, but deeper. Then, the instant a contraction would come, I could open my eyes and be right back in my body, present in the room, looking into the eyes of those loving and supporting me.
The morning of the Birthday, Tuesday- November 15th, dawned with a rich blue sky that complemented a few bright morning stars. We stood on the porch and labored through a few contractions. Then, to my delight, I witnessed the brightest, most prominent shooting star that I’d ever seen! What a blessing! It gave me a new boost of energy and confidence to continue with the day ahead.
At some point, I recall being alone with Sarita. I think that the others had gone for a walk. Ruth came and went periodically bringing the delicious frozen grape juice. Someone had turned on music (Santana I believe). It seemed to be a very peaceful time. I then found the birth dance to accompany the song. We lay on the bed together and simply were.
Other than the time on Sunday when Mom had checked my 5 centimeter progression, no one ever again informed me of how far along I was. I find this to be a good thing. How does it benefit one to know? This knowledge is not going to make a bit of difference in one’s progression, and is truly a distraction anyway!
I never doubted. I never thought that I wasn’t okay, or that the baby wasn’t okay. I trusted birth, my body, and my team. I believe that is what kept me going so strong throughout. There was a point, however, when I asked how, and wanted more than anything, to relieve the pain in my back. I wouldn’t describe the contractions as painful, but that big head pressing against my sacrum was excruciating!! It didn’t hurt constantly, only through the contractions, and right after for a few seconds. I remember thinking that there’s got to be a way to end the pain! I never thought that I wanted drugs, but I kept thinking about getting into the shower, or laying a particular way in hopes of relieving it. Yet, I knew that the only relief would come when the baby was out.
I found myself being very angry at the birthing stool and birthing ball. I don’t know why, I just really hated sitting on that stool! I remember looking longingly at my bed when I was on the birth ball on the floor. I wanted more than anything for everyone to leave me alone so I could get into my cozy bed and go to sleep for a while. I knew it was unrealistic, but I couldn’t help thinking of it! This was the turning point.
While I was draped over the birth ball, it seemed that Ruth and Sarita began to “teach” me how to push. I believe that it was a way of easing into the pushing contractions so that I would know what to do. They said to hold my breath for a few moments at the beginning of the contraction. I did this for a while. Next, I was to bear down while holding that breath. I found this extremely difficult. It felt pointless, as if it was doing no good at all. I thought then, that I might be on that damn ball pushing against nothing forever. I now know that it was a very beneficial period because I would have had much more difficulty trying to push later, if I had not “practiced” before. I felt very discouraged at that point, however; I began to feel the power rising in me, and myself returning to reality.
Sarita soon suggested that we move to the bed. I was grateful! It seemed that the bed was where I progressed the most, or at least, where I was most comfortable. So we assumed the position. Paul leaned against the wall, and I leaned against him. We had many pillows all around supporting us. I was getting ever hotter. We had turned the heat up, shut the window, turned off the fan, piled seven bodies in my little bedroom, and, I learned later, someone had the left the kitchen oven on. It was 80 degrees in the house!
I don’t know how long I pushed, it didn’t matter really. Everyone continued to assure me that I was doing great, and that I was pushing successfully. I don’t know how many times everyone told me that the baby would come with the next contraction. They all kept going on about how close I was! I believed them, and trusted, so despite my exhaustion and pain, I kept on. What an incredible feeling when that huge head is waiting between contractions. I remember I had a hard time not pulling back. It just felt so strange to let that mass remain there. Paul was a great coach. He could feel when I pulled back and let me know. He just kept cheering me on, which helped maintain my feeling of power. Although there was a high intensity level, there remained a humorous feel to the room during this time. I remember between contractions seeing the midwives laughing and joking. Paul said, “You women are fucking crazy!” We all laughed because we knew he was right.
There was a moment when I felt unusual pain in the left side of my uterus. I described it as feeling like a strained/pulled muscle. I informed the ladies and they immediately checked the baby’s heart tones, which checked out just fine. So we proceeded with no more mention of this. Later I was informed that this sensation probably indicated that the placenta had begun to separate which led to the excessive bleeding later on.
Sarita asked me several times if I wanted to reach down and touch my baby’s head. I didn’t. Mom had been telling me all along to think of my baby; picture holding and kissing and smelling my baby. I found this very difficult for some reason. It was harder then (during labor), than ever before to imagine that there really was a baby coming. However, at one point, perhaps 4 or 5 contractions from when she actually came, it hit me. I realized that quite soon a real baby would be coming out of me, and I’d be a mama finally! I remember exclaiming slowly, “Oh my God,” as if I’d never had such a profound realization.
Soon, Sarita took my hand, without asking again, and put it on the baby’s head. Well, that was it; I did as directed all along, and pushed harder than I ever thought I could, right through the burning, and pressure and extreme intensity. Her head was born finally! With the next contraction, Sarita pulled from under the baby’s arms and twisted her as I pushed. She was born and on my belly in just a moment; looking up at me, greeting me. She even said Mama; and I said “Well Hello!” I lifted up the blanket and announced to the room, “We have a baby Girl!!” She had pooped all over me. We were both covered in black, sticky, warm meconium. I loved that moment. I had never felt so joyful before then. I could see nothing else, just her face. They tell me that we were left alone for a while, that there were pictures being taken, and that about 45 minutes had passed, but I didn’t notice any of it, just her face.
Eventually, it was time to work on the birth of the placenta. I felt some contractions, but I tried to ignore them. I figured that the uterus would contract on its own to expel the placenta. I tried to deny the fact that I might have to push to help it along. The midwives began to suggest that I sit up a bit better to allow gravity to assist. They laid the baby on the bed between my legs. She was still attached and they said that the cord was very short. Ruth tended to the baby while Sarita tugged on the cord a bit during contractions. I remember Ruth saying, “We’re wasting time here.” So, soon, the cord was clamped and cut. Paul left with the undressed, unclean little baby. They went to visit his parents in the living room.
Next thing I know, I was being helped up to try and straddle the big blue bowl in the bed. This was not an easy task, and someone said that we should go to the toilet to birth the placenta, so, I was then helped to a standing position beside the bed. Immediately, I was falling gracefully, with the support of my mother behind me, to the floor. Here I remained until the birth of the placenta. I hadn’t realized that I really had to push pretty hard again for the placenta, but I was certainly glad when I did and it was over! I had nearly passed out, and was feeling pretty bad, yet still happy. I remember laughing at the midwives trying to take my blood pressure with Paul’s faulty blood pressure cuff.
I apparently, had lost a significant amount of blood. From my position on the floor, I remember seeing Ruth carrying pile after pile of bloody pillows and blankets to the bathroom. Poor Elizabeth was frantically trying to take care of any problem, addressing each person’s wish as best she could. She made me a sandwich, washed bloody laundry in the tub, reported back and forth to the folks in the living room. She was just wonderful! They all were. I was just so blessed to have such a smooth and supportive team. I really had fun sharing such love and intensity with them all!
Once I was cleaned up, and our bed was cleaned, I asked for my baby. I finally got to lay with her, hold her, and nurse her. The moments I had imagined all my life were finally my reality. What a great life! My daughter was born on the day of the full moon, the Beaver Moon, which followed the day that the weather broke! The day after, Wednesday the 16th, was the brightest, coldest day we’d seen yet! Paul came to me and reported that there were tiny bits of snow blowing from the North. The sun shining through them revealed the fairies flying with the flakes. What a grand celebration!! Kya came with the blessing from her spirit fairy friends, and all of us: the team of midwives and loved ones on the Hill’s hill.
For the next several days, I was to stay in bed and rest. I certainly couldn’t complain. Mom and Paul took great care of me. Everyone that came to visit brought great food, so we were well fed! I got to lie around and admire my sweet girl. Again, what a blessed woman I am!
Now that I am a mother, I can honestly say that I have never before felt more like myself. I now feel that I’ve reached one of my life’s goals. I have never really had a strong career goal, but I’ve always known that motherhood would be my most desired life path. So, I thank you all who loved and supported me through this transition to Motherhood.
It’s a great Life if you don’t weaken; embrace Patience and Strength.
By: AnnaLew White-Barb
Click to see pictures of KyaLily's birth